I am sitting here going over everything that has happened to me and my family over the last three months. WOW!!! It has been a journey to say the least. This time 3 mos ago, I was layin in bed thinking about how I wish that I could just hear his laugh, cry or even temper just one more time......Not going to happen. He is gone. I can sit here and think, "okay, I will see him again". Nope, not good enough for me. Its gonna have to be, but I dont have to like it.
I am also struggling on how to please everyone in my life. How do you fix something that was never supposed to get broken in the first place??? Why isnt "your best" ever seem good enough? Maybe its the best one can do, maybe not. But only that person knows for sure. Maybe all this drama is karma biting me on the ass for once....I have judged, I have misunderstood things, I have even said things I dont care to remember. But one thing we all are togther is HUMAN!!!!!
Why isnt it allowed to make mistakes and come back from it? Why must we judge people for something they have no control over sometimes?
I would love to have the type of friendships that you see on "Desperate Housewives" or lifetime, or some other sitcom. Wouldnt that be nice??? Life seems too busy to have those in "real" America. Ya know?
Unfortunately, in a Tradegy like losing my son, people have to be on the back burner once in awhile, and just trust that I am not MALICIOUS!!!! That is all I am capable of right now. My family is what I have to focus on, and maybe that is portrayed as shutting certain people out, but I dont do it with spite. I dont have choice in the matter............
until we meet again.....
