Work post.........again!!

I now have been working again for 2 full weeks. I love it but I feel like I dont belong with everyone there. I got repremanded yesterday really hard for a mistake (that I felt) couldve been made by anyone that had been working years now. I am not above being told what I did wrong, but I feel that it was done in a "wrong" manner. I was told in front of all my coworkers, and i was embarrased by it. Like I said, I dont have a problem at all with being corrected, but I couldve been taken aside and told. And the funny thing was, it was fixed in like 7 minutes. So how bad of a mistake could it have been., ya know? I am just gonna smile and kill it with kindness tomorrow when I go in................ thats the bigger person thing to do, right?? lol. Oh well, its one for the books I guess.  I just hope I can make this work!!!!!

until we meet again............................

Discouraged!!!

Okay........not to sound negative or anything but its days like today that make me feel like I am not doing the right thing by working. ;(   I am in soo much pain, but I know in my heart its gonna get better......or do I?? I dont know whats gonna happen, except for the fact if I quit, that will break my spirit!!! I have to keep pushing myself until I just cant anymore!!!!!!!! My husband said that he wont let me quit!!! I looked at him like, "excuse me"??? But what he meant was, he knows that I am just havin a hard day and its not worth  quitting over!!! I understand what he meant!!! I just need to keep telling myself that its okay "IF" i cant make it much longer........I am not a failure if that were to happen!!! I just need to suck it up and deal with it!!!!!!!!! lol. No, honestly, I am just having a "woe is me" day and everyone is entitled to one of those days!!! Tomorrow is a new day and I am ready for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 until we meet again.............................

Why????

I dont understand certain people sometimes!!! Why wouldnt grandmas want to spend time with their grandchildren?? Is it because they have better things to do, or is it that they are just too busy with their own lives???? Whatever the reason is....its unexcusable to me!!! Grandchildren are a privledge, not a right, and they dont always have to be there for you to enjoy. That is up to the parents.....thats our luxury!!!! Not that its right to keep them away. but sometimes its the harsh actions that really make someone stop, look and listen to you!!!!!!!!!!! Sucks when its the ONLY  way, ya know???  I thought as a parent,  that this was one of the perks to motherhood, having grandparents to wisk them away for the weekend, and spoil the hell out of them. Parents need breaks too................had to admit it, but probably more than anyone really knows!! lol. So with all that being said..........and you are reading this......and your a grandparent.......Pay attention to what is going on with your children and always be there for them and the grandbabies!!! We need you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

until we meet again.......
          

Pain sucks.....but gotta suck it up!!!!!!!!!!

I am officially done with my first week back at work and I am feeling it today!!!!!!!!! I knew I would but it still sucks!!!!!!!!!!! This is the moment where I question if I did the right thing by even attempting to go back to work??? I know I love it, but I am worried that on my days off, this is how I am going to feel...........in pain!!!  Or it could just be my body adjusting to me working again............GOD I HOPE SOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sure it is, but I am feeling sorta discouraged about it. Like I said, I know I can do it, but we will see how long I can do it. But that doesnt matter anyway, I have to suck it up for my babies!!!!!!!!! I know they will want to do something fun today,.so I have to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont get to see Taryn all week cuz she is in school, so she looks forward to spending the  weekends with us, and I have to make that special for her!!! Haiden is the same way.... I only see her two days a week now.....so she is really looking forward to this!!!! But I am a mommy and that is what mommies do.....anything for her babies!!!!! So, they will never know the pain I am in today.........................if it kills me doing it!!!!!!!!!! lol   

until we meet again.

Happy!!!!!!!!

I am doing great at my job, I feel its exactly where I am supposed to be. The great part of it is I still get to "Play" mommy two days!!! Its the perfect balance!! I havent felt this good in a long time about something (i mean other than my family) and I am loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The funny part is I think that my husband is actually enjoying himself too at home for the time being! I never thought I would ever say that., but its true!! Its nice to be recognized other than for mommy, I even feel like I am being respected and looked at in a whole different way from my husband, which feels the most amazing!!  You know that someone is happy when they wake up at 5:30 am with a smile on their face.........................I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Until we meet again......

Daddys turn!!!

As I wrote on Monday, I forgot the funny story that was my mind!! It was my first day of work, as u know, and jon was home with the kids. Well...our son loves anything tomatoe based. (ravioli, skettio's, beeferoni, etc) Anyway, so he has some for lunch and he gets it everywhere, even his hair!! Then my husband decides to put him the tub, well.....I guess his lunch came thru him a little quicker than expected because he pooped all in the bathtub!!! Jon said the worst part was it was alot and it was sticking to the bottom. cuz it wasnt much water, so he had to clean it himself and not scoop it like we have done!!! Needless to say, he wanted me home so he could leave!!! WELCOME TO MY WORLD HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol.


But things are going good, and its my third day starting my job!! I am going back to my original site, my ol stompin ground, as I call it!! I am excited but nervous, cuz alot has changed since ive been there.............but i got this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! until we meet again.

Mommy was missed!!!!!! Who wouldve thunk???

Yesterday was my first full day at work again...after four years, and It was awesome!! I was thrown in the shark pit, but I didnt mind. I had to be refreshed on a couple things, but for the most part, I was surprised at how much I really knew. I think a lil jealously was there, but not bad. I forgot how much I missed it, helping patients, answering phones (other than mine, lol.) and just helping out when needed. I met some really great people as well, and I was invited back with OPEN ARMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was the greatest part of it all. I showed off pics of my family to everyone, and they were oohing and ahhing!!! Love it!!!!!!!!!!! I am hurting a lil bit today, but i expected worse, im gonna be honest. Haiden cried when I left, and that really surprised me, because as you know if previous posts that our relationship hasnt been great lately. So without sounding heartless, I was happy she missed me!! Jaxon always misses his momma, nothing new about that!! :) But they were all waving goodbye and they were all waving hello at the end of the day..........ahhh, what a great feeling as a mother. Jon did wonderful......i dont know why I was worried. Dinner, dishes and laundry were all done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He said, "honey, I didnt do the bathrooms tho, I just cant"!!! I understood, I like to clean the bathrooms, cuz Ive had staph, and I am anal about cleaning those.

So in the voices of the Fresh Beat Band (sorry it hasnt escaped my brain yet, lol)  IT WAS  A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!
                                        until we meet again................

Haiden and Taryn

This is one of those days where Taryn and Haiden are actually getting along. Cant believe it myself, but its true. They were reciting The Big Bad wolf in their bedroom, then they were playing school, and now as I type they are going to play hide n seek!! I LOVE it when they play great together!!! It really makes me happy as a mother that they can actually act like sisters as well as friends!! ya know?  Then haiden goes into the broom closet and wants to help sweep, and she starts saying, " Move kids, Move kids, I HAVE to sweep" !!! I just thought that was funny, because she is getting that from me!! Monkey see Monkey do!!!  Well...spoke to soon!! They are fighting over a leap pad touch book. I told them that mommy doesnt have two of everything for their spoiled lil tails!!!! they are going to have to learn to share, pretty much their whole life....why not start now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  until we neet again.

ps.....i thought that I would have an entire blog of them being nice to each other, but that didnt happen, Only half this time.....we will get there...sooner or later!! lol

Today is a new day!!!

Well...today is my last day as a full time stay at home mom!!! I am really excited about starting my job tomorrow!!! I truly believe that it is what I need to be mentally stable right now!! (or as mentally stable as Im gonna be, lol) I just have a problem with leave everything behind and not worrying about it. Im sure every mother does that when she returns back to work!!! Are the kids being fed on time? Are they gonna behave? Is the house gonna be a mess when I get home, cuz i sure dont want to come home and clean after working all day long, lol   But dont get me wrong, Im expecting it a little bit, only because my hubby will be home with them for the first 3 wks. Who knows what is going to go on during the day with those three!!! lol. But I am so lucky to have a husband that I trust with my kids and I know that they will be loved and taken care of all day!!! No matter what!!!!!!! Cleaning??? thats a differnt story....it will take some time for him to adjust to doing it all....but I cant lie, IM EXCITED!!!!!!!!! is that bad of me?? ;)  Sorry to sound so gleeful, but I am ready to go to work instead of staying home and doing household chores.....sometimes I feel like Annie....its a hard knock life for us!!!! lol. But in all seriousness, the house will probably be spotless, dinner will be done, just so he can say.....SEE? Told u I could do it???? I will miss them terribly though.....enough not to go? umm..............................not a chance!!!!!! lol. until we meet again, and It will be my first day on the job!!

God Bless Pop Pop and Nene!!!

First off, let me start by saying that this blog is dedicated to my mom and day today!!! :)
Well ,as parents we all need breaks in life from our children!! (i know I do, anyway) If you say you dont, then u are either lying, or I dont like you very much because you have the perfect kids!! lol. Anyway, my parents are constant in my childrens' lives and I feel soo blessed to have them. I have known friends or have just met people who dont have any grandparents for their lil ones, and I feel so sorry for them. I couldnt imagine not having my parents in my life to help with mine. I rely on my parents sooo much!! FOR EVERYTHING!! and then some.....
  
My father is a engineer who travels two weeks out of every month, (and the weekends that he is here, saturdays are their days)  and he came back yesterday and we surprised him at the airport with all the kids. You wouldve thought that they hadnt seen him in 3 mos or longer!! lol. It was awesome!!! As soon as they saw him, they couldnt get to him fast enough, and almost knocked him down, screaming "POP POP" !!!   Now, that is love right there!! ;)  It was really sweet especially because I could see people around us oohhing and ahhing about it, and saying how sweet it was!!! I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So needless to say, this is the saturday that they have together. Lil man doesnt get to go yet, because as my father puts it " Im too damn old to chase four of them around". So one day during the week, he picks up lil man and takes him to dinner or the mall or something. So he doesnt feel left out. And pretty much whenever else he feels like taking my children, he does!! I dont have a say in that, lol.

And then when my dad is done taking them to the park or mall or lunch or all three sometimes, lol. He takes them back to the house so my mom can have arts and crafts with them. They love her just as much!! Painting with nene is like an art session!!! And dont even get me started on the computer, (or pooter as my daughter calls it)  Puzzles and games and baby doll oh my!!! When u walk into their house, its like Toys R Us's wharehouse!!! But you gotta love them!!!  Or as my husband always says "Hey, its less I have to buy"!! He is really just joking, but kinda serious, there isnt a toy that we "can" buy for them, its already been bought!!!

Like I said, I just feel extremely blessed to have my parents there, because without them all these years, I dont know how I wouldve made it!!!

Am I doing the right thing??

As  a stay at home mom, we get to experience all the "first's". The first step, the first word, the first eating with a spoon by themselves, etc. Its amazing to witness!!! I feel so blessed to have had the last four years of my childrens life at home with them, so answer me this, why do I (all of a sudden) feel so guilty about going back to work? Is it because I really dont want  to do it? And I am being stubborn and noone is going to tell me I cant do it?? Or is it because I am feeling terrible about the relationship that me and my daughter Haiden are having at this moment? (even if its just a phase she is going thru, and its not my fault) Or is it just because I am scared I will fail with my back pain, and have to quit, and then I will feel guilty for putting my kids in daycare, and for what??? When I couldve just let it go, and stayed at home, and found other ways to occupy my time.
The only thing I do know about myself is that I am not completely happy at this point in my life. I dont believe its my marriage, (my husband is a wonderful man), its definately not my children, they are the highlight of my life, so what is it?? The only thing I could come up with is me not working. The day I got the interview and was given the job, i felt something in my mind and body change....sounds cheesy huh? But its true. Even jon said that I have changed since I have gotten the job, and I havent even started yet. ;) So I guess it is worth a try, its better to try and fail than to never have tried at all.......right?? I think I am tryin to convince myself more than anything. I dont know why. But its damn scary going back into the work force after 4 yrs!!!! I do feel alot better knowing that i am comfortable with this position and this company, it helps!!! lol. So I guess all I can do is all I can do!! until we meet again.....

Why is the woman always responsible??

I always feel like I am responsible for everything in my life....not just for me, but for everything. The bills, the house, the kid, the cleaning, EVERYTHING!!!! I understand to an extent that this is how it used to be "back in the day" and how it will probably be forever, but why? Cant men own up and be somewhat responsible for somethings in the marriage? Why is sooo hard for them to realize that a marriage is about two people and not just for the woman? Why not just stay bachelors then? I truly believe that men would see a difference in all women (women who have a problem with this) and that it would be more peaceful in the household. But no, we have to be labeled as naggers, obessesors, and other things....actually, I could name them, but I dont have time to name them all. lol.
  
It might sound like I am just bitching, and maybe I am, but maybe Im not, and men should step it up more. Ya know??? All I know is it would be nice to come home and not have to do anything for a change......I know..but a girl can dream, cant I ?? ;)  until we meet again..........

At my wits end!!!!!!!!

Okay parents.....I am at my wits end with my three year old. Either she is possessed by the devil or she is "just" the middle child and she is going thru all that entails. I was the baby and the only girl, so I have no idea what she is feeling. So as her mother I am trying to understand and adjust, but it just isnt working at all. Everyday is a new ugliness episode, and I just shake my head and wonder why and what I can do to fix it. Hopefully  by putting her in preschool soon, this will help alot, but who knows? Is it me she is butting heads with, because it got really bad when my husband had to suddenly work a second job. But the weird part is, he goes when they are asleep. How does she even know he is gone? Strange!!!! PLease anybody out there with any advice would be great.......like I said I am at my wits end!!!

Parenting Manuals

I understand that with life comes stress, and with children comes stress, but when u put them together, wow, what a mess!! I mean i love my life, and I love my children, so I love my life with my children in my life, but where is the instruction manual that is supposed to come with parenting??  As I am blogging here this morning, my three yr old Haiden, (that you will know very well very soon) is punching me in the arm to get my attention. Really Haiden? It hurts!!! Cant you just touch mommy's arm? Do you have to be the Mike Tyson of three yr olds? Okay, then she gets it, and touches my arm to get my attention, but you wanna know what she wanted me to hear her say? " My poop poop poop!! She was singing this. I have no clue what to say to that one. See? If I had a manual, I could look to the index to the word "poop" and see what to do!! But noooo, there is no manual. lol.  But let me say that my life isnt tedious to say the least. That is why I am so excited to get a part time job starting next week!! To be among adults again, to not have to sing the Fresh Beat Band's theme song!! What a thrill!!!! To actually enjoy my lunch (all of it), with adults not screaming at me "I WANT SOME OF IT"!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not going to know what to do with myself!! well.....i will probably figure it out very quickly. until we meet again.......

Why do siblings fight?

Everyday I listen to my two daughters "fight" it out, if u will, but it never ends!!! Taryn (the 4yr old) is really ugly to Haiden (the 3 yr old) all the time, but god forbid it happen the other way around!! NO NO NO, that cant ever happen!!!! I realize that Haiden can be very very overwhelming at times, nearly everytime, but that is no excuse for Taryn to be ugly just because haiden wants to sit next to her at dinner. Right? Now, what I suggested, and what my mom made me and my brother do when we were little, was hold hands for five minutes. OMG!! You wouldve thought I was making them put their hands in acid!!! Im talking full blown fits, from both of them. "NO MOMMY, I CANT HOLD HER HAND, ITS GOT GERRRRMMMMSSS"!!!! This is taryn talking, (ms preschool).
 So hopefully what I am aiming for is the less the see of each other, the better off they will be......am I right about that? I would love some feedback from some mothers with two or more children. Mine are only 14 mos apart. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! until we meet again....