Is there enuf left over?

As I sit here and write this post, I wonder what else is going on in my life, first its my girls, and how they are doing. Actually they are sleeping (thank goodness) but  normally it would be "mommy, whatcha doing"? u know the drill.............lol. Anyway, at this minute I am thinking of my mother who is sitting in ICU struggling to breathe right now, due to COPD, emphsyema, and Pneumonia in one of her lungs, and she really only has about  20 % of  it all the time anyway. She went in yesterday around noon, and we thought that it wasnt "one of those times again" because she didnt immediately go to ICU, she stayed in the ER and then went to her own room. My opinion is that she should have gone to ICU in the first place given all her past medical history. But I dont have a medical degree, so what the hell do I know anyway, right?

So tonight after my father visited her for awhile and left to let her sleep, the hospital called and said that she wasnt doing well i.e "crashing" and that they were taking her to where??? exactly.....ICU!!!! That is where she shouldve been in the first place...........okay, let me calm down and get rational again. Its neither here nor there about yesterday, what matters is from now on. So, they said that her Co2 levels were tripled again, like yesterday, and she was struggling to even sit on a bedpan, so if that continued into tomorrow, she was goin to be ventilated. This will be her 6-7th time in 4-5 yrs on the vent. She has beat it everytime. I am afraid that her body will quit "beating it" after so many times on it, plus you add pneumonia on top of it, that opens a whole new can of worms!!! Pardon the analogy, couldnt think of anything else.

Where this post was going, promise it had a point, somewhere, I think....lol. Oh yea, me and my hubby had a fight earlier before he went to work, about something very very trivial but because we are sooo super stressed, these little fights turn into very big ones all the time. And with us, we compete with each other and it ends up like " well you did it the other day, so why cant I do it today"? Not good!!! But just losing Jaxon 6 wks ago, will kinda turn your marriage in an uproar, just a bit. Ya know????

It doesnt leave time for anything or anyone else so to speak.  We barely have time for each other because our daughters are coming first throughout this whole process no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes you realize who is there for you and who is not. Family and friends unfortunately have to take a very big back seat and back burner because there just isnt room in the front where they used to be....and even tho u still  want them there. It an unfortunate situation, yes, but its an even bigger one for the one thats going thru it. I am sure its very frustrating for you (the friend, the family member, cousin, neighbor etc) to know what to say, what not to say, what to do or not to do, or even when to do it. I never understood the phrase, "just be there when I need you". I always thought, well, now, thats just selfish. Isnt that kinda just waiting until someone needs you? Like beckin call girl? No, not really, you still have your life to lead, it just means that you stand back and check up on your friend, family member or that neighbor and say "hey, just wondering if you need anything"? That is all........literally. Sounds too simple, right?

Its really not. Coming from someone who is goin thru it, I promise that its not. Ive never had a best friend lose a child, or had their mother admitted in ICU, but unfortunately now I will know how to handle it.