Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am not a optimistic person by nature. I am not really pessimistic, Im sortof a realist. Meaning, I would rather think that its probably going to happen vs it might not ever happen. Make sense? Anyway, I am really trying to be different especially with my girls. Haiden is going thru a really tough time right now with Jaxon being gone and now with my Mom is in the hospital. Everytime anyone leaves, she has a fit. Or at the very least, she says " You are coming back, right?" Its breaking my heart as well as my spirit, because I dont know what to do about it.
My patience is wearing thin, I am human as well as a mom, so its hard to not get impatient with a three yr old who wont (literally) let you leave the room. Even to go the bathroom. I understand why, its just my mind is overwhelmed so its like one more thing to handle, ya know? I love my children very much, and I dont ever view them as bothersome or nusiance's etc, but sometimes, I would just like to scream at the top of my lungs!!!!! I really cant do that with a three year old not wondering if mommy is going crazy!!! lol
So the reality of it all is that 1, Jaxon is gone. 2, My mom is in ICU (dont know from day to day whats happening) 3, My duplex got broken into. (they stole a bunch of stuff and ransacked the place) 4, Financially, well.....not good. So let me be optimistic for a minute.....It could be worse. Okay, thats all I got. See, I told you Im not good at it. I listed 4 things on the "real" side, but only one for the "optimistic side". lol.
There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel for our family............soon, right? I just dont know if I can take anymore. Like I said, I am positive that someone, somewhere has it worse off than me, but please forgive me if it doesnt pacify me as much as it should.
All I can do is take it day by day. I am trying my best to keep my head above water at this point......
until we meet again.........
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