As I sat in my son's room on Tuesday morning (well, his old room)I looked around at his toys, his crib, his wall hangings, books, shelves, clothes, etc etc etc. It took about 30 minutes for me to even move from the spot that I had positioned myself on the floor, my legs would not, or could not, work. Finally,with my husbands help, I got up and starting boxing his things up. It went fine for about 10 minutes, then I got ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!! I just threw a toy across the room with full force. Why u ask? I havent the faintest idea other than it was gonna make me feel better.......it didnt.
Then we came to his clothes......you could still smell "him". So, after smelling almost 90% of them, I put all of his clothes, bibs, blankets and socks into a vacuum sealed bag for later ( I am having a quilt made out of all his items). Sobbing through this whole process, all I could think was I felt like I was sealing up his memory along with his clothes. Silly as that sounds, it is really what I felt.
I never thought in a million years that "this" would be happening to me!! I would watch lifetime or an occasional movie where a child or infant would pass away and I would cry for that mother, almost like it were me or one of my family members. Well, ironically, it is me now.
So, as we are emptying out the rest of our house that we once made our home for our family, I cant help but wonder, are we moving on, or are we just moving?
until we meet again......
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